How to improve communication in your relationship?

The 5 Love Languages is a book that can change your relationship for the better. I am no relationship expert, in fact, I am far from it. But, this much I do know, the success of a relationship can be dependent on how effectively two people communicate with each other. Each person in the relationship needs to be able to comprehend what it is the other person is saying. This goes deeper than just understanding the words that a person is communicating. We also need to have an awareness of how our partners show and receive love and affection. 

The 5 Love languages

The languages that Gary Chapman speaks about is as follows;

Words of affirmation- Feeling loved when your partner expresses love with words. Receiving verbal compliments and praise makes you feel loved and appreciated.

Quality Time- Feeling loved when your partner gives you his/her undivided attention. When all their attention is focused on you and they give you their time.

Giving gifts – Feeling loved when receiving gifts, to you this is a symbol of love and affection.

Acts of service – Feeling loved when your partner completes tasks or actions that hold value or meaning to you.

Physical touch–  Feeling love and affection through touch ( this could be various forms of touch like holding hands, kissing or cuddling)

We are speaking different languages

I have learnt that my husband and I speak and respond to completely different love languages. We communicate and demonstrate love and affection in distinct ways. My husband’s love language is Words of Affirmation, which means that what I say and the manner within which I speak holds considerable meaning to him. He is a kind and gentle soul that is always polite and respectable, especially within the way that he communicates and uses his words.

My love language, on the other hand, is Acts of Service. To me, it’s not about what is being said but what is being done. It’s not that words hold no meaning to me, I have just been made a lot of promises over the years and more than often these promises never materialised, this has led me to holding more meaning to actions.

As you may note, we are speaking completely different languages. Sometimes I feel like we are talking across each other. I am quick with my words and say many things without thinking twice about how it makes him feel. He, on the other hand, is never rude or impolite but often lacks in doing things around the house. I am learning that this is not a lack of love and commitment from either of us. Instead, it seems to be something as simple as a lack of understanding with regards to how the other person responds to and experiences love.

I exhibit love in the manner within which I would like to receive it

I am now reading this book for the second time. It is very insightful, and my perspective on the way that I communicate within my marriage is changing. A mistake that I have realised is, I love and exhibit love in the way that I would like to receive it. I am careless with my words, but I go out of my way with Acts of Service because to me, this is an expression of love. We are both expressing love in the way that we would like to be loved, neither of us taking the others needs or love language into consideration.

It may seem trivial, but in a marriage, a lack of understanding of something so simple can have unhappy consequences. There is no guarantee for a successful relationship, but understanding the different love languages can make the journey a bit easier. I am learning and growing. If you are struggling with communication or understanding your partner, grab a copy of this book, and we can learn and grow together. Let’s take the time to learn about our partners needs so that we can connect and grow within our relationships making it stronger.

Communication is key. Two people can be in the same relationship and yet see it in two different ways –Anonymous