How to be more supportive when women are trying to conceive
Trying to conceive (TTC) can be an extremely overwhelming and challenging time for a woman. There is a host of emotions that a woman experiences during this journey. I am a trying to conceive, and month on month the emotions seem to get more intense, leaving me more and more overwhelmed and exhausted.
Emotions that I feel are as follows I guarantee that your partner/wife feels the same :
- Overwhelmed: No matter what I do or how I try, nothing seems to work. It can be a bit much at times.
- Sad: It is sad, nothing more to explain. There are some months that I feel heartbroken at the fact that I am unable to experience motherhood, or what it’s like to be pregnant.
- Disappointed: Every month I think this is the month when I get my period, I am overflowing with disappointment because it’s yet another month that I am unable to conceive.
- Frustrated: This can be very frustrating, mostly because it seems to be something that you have no control over. You can follow the textbook guidelines and still get a negative test at the end of the month.
- Jealousy: Every pregnancy announcement, kids’ birthday party, or remark passed gives light to jealousy of when it will be me? It’s not a mean or vindictive type of jealousy, but its jealousy non the less. Why her and not me, when will I get to celebrate my baby’s birthday, are you kidding me she is having another child already.
- Anger: I feel angry with myself the world, and everything around me at times. I think the outrage is a mix of all of the above, the sense of feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, disappointed and frustrated put that all together and you have a recipe for an angry bird.
- Lonely: this can be a lonely space to be in. Yes, you have many people in your life that love, care and support you. But no one knows or understands what you are going through, what you are feeling. No one can comprehend the strong emotions that take control and leave you short of breath. Also, it’s my body, and it’s easy to say forget about it, how do you forget or ignore what is happening to your body. How do you disregard when you are ovulating, or when you have period pain? You can’t, and I have tried. Hence, this journey can be so lonely because you are alone with your mind and body experience, no matter how you try.
My Appeal to all the husbands and partners
I appeal to you to make an effort to understand better what it is that your partner is experiencing. Show up for the ride, make an effort to be supportive and caring. This experience can be a lonely space to be in. When I say show up, be there and be present. Ask your partner how are they doing? During ovulation make it fun, please don’t leave the burden or pressure on her, relieve the stress and play your part on this journey. Be understanding and caring, cheer her up when she needs to be cheered up. Be in this with her, when it’s time to for her period, acknowledge and understand that should she get her period, she will be devastated because this is a sure sign that she is not pregnant. This is when she needs you most.
Also, do your research! Understand how this process works without her having to explain month on month. Track the cycle, be mindful of what is going on, and you can better understand your partner and the situation.
Be there, be present, be actively involved! After all, this will be a little human that you will both parent, love and take care off. Exactly how you would be when a baby is here is how you should be now in the process leading up to conceiving the baby.